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Relationships...they are a LOT of work. Adrian and I have been together for almost ten years now, definitely my longest relationship and possibly my last one. For the first time in our relationship we live relatively alone, which means we have the freedom to be spontaneous and our relationship has been running smoother and better. But it is far from perfect. It's like one day I am sure he is the love of my life and that I will be with him forever, but the very next day I hate his guts and would be happy never to see him again. Argh! Why is it so hard?!
I always wonder when I see happy couples if their relationships are as perfect as they seem, but no relationship is perfect. As I have gotten older this is one of the things that I have learned to do - accept my partner in all his faults just like I accept all of his positives. Something else that I have learned as I have matured is not taking people for granted. This is something that tends to happen so much in relationships. You think the person will always be there and you begin to take for granted everything that they do - up until the day they leave because perhaps they found someone who does notice?
Adrian has a lot of really good qualities, and on those moments that I would love to strangle him, I try to remember them:
- Gentleman: Maybe because he is older (50 this year) or maybe because he is from Mexico, but he is a gentleman. That is something so rarely seen now a days. He opens doors, pulls out chairs and always waits until I am settled before he sits down to do anything.
- Cleanliness: I've never been with a dirty guy, but I know they exist! Adrian is a very clean, methodical dude. You will never find anything of his anywhere. Even in the bathroom, the guy is very clean, and I am so thankful, because if there was a deal breaker, a dirty guy would be it. I could never clean up after a guy.
- He cooks: Yes, my man cooks for me and NOT the other way around. He learned early on that this lady right here was not going to be cooking so he started to do it. He was a bachelor for many years so he is very self sufficient and he even goes out of his way to make things that I like. More recently he learned to make coffee on the French press and makes me my cup every single morning.
- Supreme patience: I am anxious, neurotic and ocd, the last thing I needed was a guy like that. Adrian is exactly the opposite, he radiates calm and if anything is too relaxed. But I have 4 grown daughters and 6 grandkids, he needs that patience. If he wasn't as patient and good as he is, he would have run away screaming years ago.
- Good guy overall: Adrian is a good guy. Even with all his faults, which are mostly lame things that I invent, he is good guy. He never does anything that I would be ashamed to let know people about, he takes care of us and he is a good partner. He is the guy who stands by you, no matter how hard those winds are stirring, and that is something I have never found before. There has been no cut and run here, not even when he had to deal with another mans very problematic kids.
But even with all of those positive attributes, Adrian and I have had our real bumpy spots. For many years after having Sammy he and I lived in a relationship that was sexless. Not because of him either, I just wouldn't let him near me. There was no intimacy at all, none. I felt so icky about myself, I just couldn't do it. I was going through a very bad time professional wise, I had lost my job, my home, my car and I had just had a baby girl, so I was probably suffering from postpartum depression as well. Through this all somehow we stuck it out and came out a little bit jagged but still together.
Once I finally started digging myself out of that hole, I realized I was very unhappy. One of the things I was really unhappy with was, ME. In those few years I had let myself go completely, I had forgotten what it was like to be a woman. I had even gone as far as never unpacking my perfumes or makeup. I let all of my high end stuff go bad and I rarely went out into the world to see that it was still going on.
From the minute that I started paying attention to myself and feeling better about myself, my relationship changed once again. Now we were closer and because I felt better in my person, I allowed him back into my personal space. Intimacy in a relationship is necessary, or else you're roommates. I don't need a roommate, I need a partner.
Feeling feminine, beautiful, sexy, these are things that women always are, but when you go that extra step to attract your partner, then your relationship is stronger. And it's okay to find things that will help you be that feminine woman he loves, like using K-Y® Liquibeads (if you are pregnant or nursing, consult a doctor before using). These little beads provide a woman with the moisture that they need to have a great intimate experience. After having 5 kids and with my body aging, it is NOT the same as when I was in my 20's. The dryness factor is not a myth, it really exists! And it's okay to get some help with K-Y® Liquibeads, which can be applied every few days so that your body is ready when the moment arrives.
K-Y® Liquibeads are not as scary as they sound, in fact are a cinch to use after years of tampon application! In the package you get an applicator plus the beads, along with clear instructions. It's very simple really: You open up the applicator and place a bead on it. Now you are ready to relax your body and insert (just like a tampon!), and depress the applicator. Done! Now whenever the moment strikes, your body will have that extra moisture it needs to really enjoy the moment.
I found K-Y® Liquibeads at Walgreens but they are also available at Walmart and Target in the feminine section. Right now you can score a $1 off coupon at coupons.com off any KY® product.
Relationships are not perfect. Men and women are not perfect, but when you care about someone it is worth doing whatever you can to make it work, to make it better. I may not have the BEST relationship, but darn if it's not a good one! I love the guy and at the end of the day, we like each other. It might not last forever, or it might, you never know. But I don't worry about that, because the fun part is the trip and not the destination.